Tommy Tutone – 867-5309 / Jenny

If you were listening to the radio in the eighties you remember this song. A great little power pop song that gave you a phone number you could not forget. The song peaked at #4 in the Billboard 100 and #2 in Canada in 1982. After it became a hit I started to think about the poor souls who had that number under different area codes.

When we’d first get calls at 2 or 3 in the morning, my husband would answer the phone. He can’t hear too well. They’d ask for Jenny, and he’d say “Jimmy doesn’t live here anymore.” … Tommy Tutone was the one who had the record. I’d like to get hold of his neck and choke him.

— Mrs. Lorene Burns, an Alabama householder formerly at +1-205-867-5309; she changed her number in 1982.

The song, released in late 1981, initially gained popularity on the American West Coast in January 1982; many who had the number soon abandoned it because of unwanted calls.

Asking telephone companies to trace the calls was of no use, as Charles and Maurine Shambarger (then in West Akron, Ohio at +1-216-867-5309) learned when Ohio Bell explained “We don’t know what to make of this. The calls are coming from all over the place.” A little over a month later, they disconnected the number and the phone became silent.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/867-5309/Jenny

867-5309 / Jenny

Jenny Jenny who can I turn to
You give me something I can hold on to
I know you’ll think I’m like the others before
Who saw your name and number on the wall

Jenny I’ve got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don’t change your number

Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Jenny jenny you’re the girl for me
You don’t know me but you make me so happy
I tried to call you before but I lost my nerve
I tried my imagination but I was disturbed

Jenny I’ve got your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny don’t change your number
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine

I got it (i got it) I got it
I got your number on the wall
I got it (i got it) I got it
For a good time, for a good time call

Jenny don’t change your number
I need to make you mine
Jenny I’ve called your number

Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine

Jenny Jenny who can I turn to (eight six seven five three oh nine)
For the price of a dime I can always turn to you (eight six seven five three oh nine)

Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine (five three oh nine)
Eight six seven five three oh nine
Eight six seven five three oh nine (five three oh nine)
Eight six seven five three oh nine (five three oh nine)

Edie Brickell & New Bohemians – What I Am

This was fresh sounding in 1988 and it still sounds good today. The song peaked at #7 in the Billboard 100 and #31 in the UK Charts. The song was written by Edie Brickell and New Bohemians guitar player Kenny Withrow.

I always thought it was a well-written pop song. This song was the bands only top 40 hit. Edie later married Paul Simon in 1992.

From Songfacts.

The New Bohemians hail from Dallas, Texas, where they started life as a Ska band with Brad Houser on bass, Eric Presswood on guitar, and Brandon Aly on drums. They all met at Booker T. Washington High School for the Performing and Visual Arts – Edie Brickell also attended there, but she didn’t hook up with them until much later. Brickell has been married to Paul Simon since 1992 – they wed in May and had their first son in December. A daughter followed in 1995.

This song got Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians a spot in VH1’s Greatest One-Hit Wonders, despite the fact that they also had a minor hit with “Circle” (#48 US Hot 100) from the same album. VH1 only counts hits in the top 20 on US charts, and then only the ones they like, and they’ll weasel the definition down some more if they want to. We’re a little more picky in our One Hit Wonders category.

Media appearances of “What I Am” include an episode of the hit ’80s TV series Miami Vice and Doogie Howser, M.D. and in the 1989 film Loverboy.

Carter Albrecht, who played keyboard and guitar for The New Bohemians, along with other groups, met a tragic end in 2007 when he apparently got intoxicated and took a dosage of the drug Chantix (an aid to stop smoking). The combination allegedly sent him into a drunken rage, during which time he showed up at a neighbor’s house and, this being Texas, was shot with one to the head through the neighbor’s door. Some investigation was conducted into whether there was an undue interaction between the drug and alcohol.

This song got a huge bump when the band performed it on Saturday Night Live. The actor Matthew Modine and the abrasive, chain-smoking talk show host Morton Downey Jr. also appeared on the show, making it the highest-rated episode of 1988. The show is also notable as the first time Brickell met Paul Simon.

The song was covered in 1999 by UK electronic dance music duo Tin Tin Out with former Spice Girl Emma Bunton guesting on vocals. Their version peaked at #2 on the UK singles chart, behind Bunton’s ex-bandmate Geri Hallowell’s “Lift Me Up.”

 

What I Am

I’m not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean
Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box
Religion is the smile on a dog
I’m not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-doo yeah

Shove me in the shallow waters
Before I get too deep

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are, or?

Oh, I’m not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean

Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks
Religion is a light in the fog
I’m not aware of too many things
I know what I know, if you know what I mean, d-doo yeah

Shove me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?
What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what you are, and?

What I am is what I am
Are you what you are or what?

Don’t let me get too deep
Don’t let me get too deep
Don’t let me get too deep
Don’t let me get too deep

Shove me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep
Shove me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep

Shove me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep
Shove me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep

Louis Armstrong – What a Wonderful World

Not such a wonderful world all of the time but a wonderful song every time it is played. Not many songs can match the beauty of this recording. It only peaked at #112 in the Billboard Charts… but charted again in 1988 off the strength of movie “Good Morning Vietnam” and charted at #32 in the Billboard 100.

The song did top the UK chart in 1968 and Armstrong was the oldest male to ever top it at 66 years old. This was written by Bob Thiele and George Weiss who some say offered it to Tony Bennet first who reportedly turned it down…but Weiss claims was it was written just for Louis Armstrong.

From Songfacts.

This is the song most associated with Louis Armstrong, but it does not represent the body of his work, which consists mostly of jazz.

In America, this song became a beloved standard, but when it was first released in 1968, it barely dented the charts, peaking at #116. It was more appreciated 20 years later when it was used in the Robin Williams movie Good Morning, Vietnam; the song was re-released to coincide with the film, and this time charted at #32.

The boss of ABC Records hated this and did not promote it until it became a hit in England.

This was the last song publicly performed by Eva Cassidy, who died of cancer about six weeks later in 1996. Cassidy became known after her death when a BBC radio DJ started playing songs from her album Songbird. The album gained popularity and went to #1 in the UK. She required medication to get on stage the last time. >>

Joey Ramone covered this on his 2002 album, Don’t Worry About Me, which was released almost a year after his death. Ramone occasionally played this live long before he recorded it. It expressed his optimistic view of the world, even as he was faced with death.

In Britain, this was the biggest-selling single of 1968. >>

For the 2002 album When Pigs Fly: Songs You Never Thought You’d Hear, Country music star Roy Clark recorded this song. Cevin Soling, who was executive producer on the album, had The Oak Ridge Boys record “Carry On Wayward Son” for the project, and their manager Jim Halsey suggested Clark. Says Soling: “Johnny Cash was going to be on the record. And I was supposed to go to Jamaica to work with him. And that was one of the sad phone calls that I got… he had borrowed Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s house there and was building a studio, so I was waiting for construction of the studio. He was going to do the Zombies’ ‘Time Of The Season,’ and then shortly before I was supposed to go out there I got a call that he was too sick. Then I talked to Jim Halsey about it, and he goes, ‘Well, if you’re looking for that I can get Roy Clark.’ So that was how the Roy Clark track came together. It was just thrown at me. Any track is so much work, it was nice to have something that just sort of fell in my lap. I mean, I was doing all the contract negotiations, I was doing the producing, the contracts, the arranging… everything. Soup to nuts was all me in making it happen. So for a track to fall in my lap was a godsend at that point.” (Check out our interview with Cevin Soling.)

In 2007 a cover by Katie Meluia and Eva Cassidy was a #1 in the UK. It was an unusual duet with Meluia’s vocals being spliced with those of the late Eva Cassidy. A charity single for the Red Cross, the single was only available in Tesco stores, so it was a surprise this version of “What A Wonderful World” outsold the competition in the singles chart.

With the success of this cover, Eva Cassidy became the 13th act to have a posthumous UK chart-topper. No other artist has had a larger gap between passing away and their debut posthumous UK #1, Cassidy having died on November 2, 1996, 11 years and one month ago before achieving peak position.

This was a #11 hit in the UK in 2001 when Cliff Richard released it in a medley with “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.” Co-incidentally Eva Cassidy’s biggest hit in the UK before this single had been her take on “Somewhere Over The Rainbow,” which peaked at #42.

What a Wonderful World

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They’re really saying I love you

I hear babies crying, I watch them grow
They’ll learn much more than I’ll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world

Them – Mystic Eyes

This powerful song builds up and lead singer Van Morrison takes over. Van’s voice and the bass are hypnotic. It was the first song on the first album by Them…named Angry Young Them released in1965. It was written by Van Morrison who would in the future use the word Mystic in a few more songs.

The song peaked at #33 in the Billboard 100 but didn’t chart in the  UK. Van has said the band was improvising in the studio and the song was born.

Mystic Eyes

One Sunday mornin’
A-we went walkin’
Down by, the old graveyard
The mornin’ fog
I looked into
A-yeah, those mystic eyes

Her mystic eyes
Mystic eyes
Mystic eyes
Mystic, eyes
Mystic eyes
Mystic eyes
Oh, the mystic eyes
Ooh

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mystic_Eyes

 

 

 

Martha and the Vandellas – Nowhere to Run

The song peaked at #8 in the Billboard 100 in 1965. The song was written by the songwriting team of Lamont Dozier and brothers Brian and Eddie Holland.

Lamont Dozier said that one of the inspirations was a teenager who was frightened because he was about to go to Vietnam. Lamont threw a party for him but the boy was quiet because he said he would never make it back from Vietnam. He said he felt trapped with nowhere to run.

Dozier tried to cheer him up but it didn’t work. The nineteen-year-old didn’t make it back alive, he was killed after only two months.

Songfacts.

“Nowhere To Run” is in the rubric of “I love you but you don’t love me” songs that Holland-Dozier-Holland often created. Another good example is “This Old Heart Of Mine (Is Weak for You).”

Along with a tambourine and drums, snow chains – the kind made for tires – were used as percussion for this song. Motown producers often got inventive in the studio, resulting in some unique soundscapes.

All the instruments were played by the Funk Brothers, who were session musicians for Motown.

Because of its brassy sound and chorus, this song is one of many which are popular at sporting events, where the original version is played, or a marching band performs it.

The song was particularly popular during the Vietnam War, and was featured in the 1987 film Good Morning, Vietnam. 

Janet Jackson intended on recording a remake of this on her 1990 Rhythm Nation 1814 album before being persuaded by her songwriters Jam and Lewis to record a song with a similar beat. The end result was her American chart-topper “Escapade.”

Nowhere to Run

Nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide.
It’s not love, I’m a running from,
It’s the heartbreak I know will come.
‘Cause I know you’re no good for me, but you’ve become a part of me.
Ev’rywhere I go, your face I see, ev’ry step I take, you take with me yeah

Nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide.
I know you’re not good for me, but free of you I’ll never be, no.
Each night as I sleep, into my heart you creep.
I wake up feelin’ sorry I met you, hoping soon that I’ll forget you.
When I look in the mirror to comb my hair 
I see your face just a smiling there.

Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from you baby,
Got nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide.
I know you’re no good for me, but you’ve become a part of me,
How can I fight a lover, that shouldn’t be, when it’s so deep,
So deep, deep inside of me
My love reaches so high I can’t get over it
It’s so wide I can’t get around it, no 
Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide from you baby
Just can’t get away from you baby, no matter how I try to 

I know you’re no good for me, but free of you I’ll never be, 
Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide, got nowhere to run to baby.

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

This first premiered on November 20, 1973, on CBS and won an Emmy Award. Great Thanksgiving special as always with the earlier Peanuts.

The Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas Peanuts specials I always looked forward to. The way their world was only for kids where grownups were heard but only as noise in the background.

It starts off with Lucy tempting Charlie Brown with that football. Just one time I wanted to see Charlie kick the football…or Lucy at times.

It’s Thanksgiving and Peppermint Patty invites herself and Marcie over to Charlie Brown’s house but Charlie and Sally are ready to go to their grandmothers. Charlie talks to Linus and he suggests having two Thanksgiving dinners.

The only thing Charlie can come up with is feeding his friends toast and cold cereal which does not make Peppermint Patty happy whatsoever. She lets Charlie have it bad until Marcie remind her that she invited herself over.

Not going to give it away for those who have not seen this wonderful holiday cartoon. The music by Vince Guaraldi is excellent and makes every Peanuts cartoon special.

 

Arlo Guthrie – Alice’s Restaurant Massacree

It’s not Thanksgiving without listening to this 1967 song. This song did not chart but he did have another version that did chart…it was called Alice’s Rock and Roll Restaurant that peaked at #97 in the Billboard 100.

There have been mixed reviews about the movie…I’ve always found it enjoyable. It’s not going to be confused with Gone With The Wind but it’s a fun period movie.

Below the song facts are Alice’s Rock and Roll Restaurant and Alice’s Restaurant Massacree.

From Songfacts.

Running 18 minutes and 34 seconds, this song is based on a true story that happened on Thanksgiving Day, 1965. Arlo was 18, and along with his friend Rick Robbins, drove to Stockbridge, Massachusetts to have Thanksgiving dinner with Alice and Ray Brock. Alice and Ray lived in a church – the former Trinity Church on Division Street in Stockbridge – and were used to inviting people into their home. Arlo and Rick had been traveling together, Arlo working his way up in folk singing and Rick tagging along. A number of people, Arlo and Rick included, were considered members of the family, so they were not guests in the usual sense. 

When Ray woke up the next morning, he said to them, “Let’s clean up the church and get all this crap out of here, for God’s sake. This place is a mess,” and Rick said, “Sure.” Arlo and Rick swept up and loaded all the crap into a VW microbus and went out to the dump, which was closed. They started driving around until Arlo remembered a side road in Stockbridge up on Prospect Hill by the Indian Hill Music Camp which he attended one summer, so they drove up there and dumped the garbage.

A little later, the phone rang, and it was Stockbridge police chief William J. Obanhein. “I found an envelope with the name Brock on it,” Chief Obanhein said. The truth came out, and soon the boys found themselves in Obanhein’s police car. They went up to Prospect Hill, and Obie took some pictures. On the back he marked them, “PROSPECT HILL RUBBISH DUMPING FILE UNDER GUTHRIE AND ROBBINS 11/26/65.” He took the kids to jail.

The kids went in, pleaded, “Guilty, Your Honor,” were fined $25 each and ordered to retrieve the rubbish. Then they all went back to the church and started to write “Alice’s Restaurant” together. “We were sitting around after dinner and wrote half the song,” Alice recalls, “and the other half, the draft part, Arlo wrote.”

Guthrie, the son of legendary folk singer Woody Guthrie, greatly exaggerated the part about getting arrested for comic effect. In the song he is taken away in handcuffs and put in a cell with hardened criminals. >>
In the song, Guthrie avoids the draft and did not have to serve in Vietnam because of his littering arrest. In reality, he was eligible, but wasn’t drafted because his number didn’t come up.
Many radio stations play this on Thanksgiving. This is usually the only time they play it, since the song is over 18-minutes long.
Guthrie performed this song for the first time on July 16, 1967 at the Newport Folk Festival.
This reflected the attitude of many young people in America at the time. It was considered an antiwar song, but unlike most protest songs, it used humor to speak out against authority.
After a while, Guthrie stopped playing this at concerts, claiming he forgot the words. As the song approached it’s 30th anniversary, he started playing it again.
In 1991, Arlo bought the church where this took place and set up “The Guthrie Center,” where he runs programs for kids who have been abused.
Guthrie made a movie of the same name in 1969 which was based on the song.
Over the years, Guthrie added different words to the song. He recorded a new, longer version in 1995 at The Guthrie Center.

 

 

Alice’s Rock and Roll resaurant

 

Alice’s Restaurant

This song is called Alice’s Restaurant, and it’s about Alice, and the
Restaurant, but Alice’s Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
That’s just the name of the song, and that’s why I called the song Alice’s
Restaurant.

You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant
Walk right in it’s around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant

Now it all started two Thanksgivings ago, was on – two years ago on
Thanksgiving, when my friend and I went up to visit Alice at the
Restaurant, but Alice doesn’t live in the restaurant, she lives in the
Church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, with her husband Ray and
Fasha the dog. And livin’ in the bell tower like that, they got a lot of
Room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin’ all that room,
Seein’ as how they took out all the pews, they decided that they didn’t
Have to take out their garbage for a long time.

We got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it’d be
A friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the city dump. So
We took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red vw
Microbus, took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
On toward the city dump.

Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
Dump saying, “Closed on Thanksgiving.” And we had never heard of a dump
Closed on Thanksgiving before, and with tears in our eyes we drove off
Into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.

We didn’t find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
Side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
Cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
Is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
Decided to throw our’s down.

That’s what we did, and drove back to the church, had a thanksgiving
Dinner that couldn’t be beat, went to sleep and didn’t get up until the
Next morning, when we got a phone call from officer Obie. He said, “Kid,
We found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of
Garbage, and just wanted to know if you had any information about it. ” And
I said, “Yes, sir, Officer Obie, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope
Under that garbage. ”

After speaking to Obie for about forty-five minutes on the telephone we
Finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
And pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
Police officer’s station. So we got in the red vw microbus with the
Shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the
Police officer’s station.

Now friends, there was only one or two things that Obie coulda done at
The police station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
Being so brave and honest on the telephone, which wasn’t very likely, and
We didn’t expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
And told us never to be seen driving garbage around the vicinity again,
Which is what we expected, but when we got to the police officer’s station
There was a third possibility that we hadn’t even counted upon, and we was
Both immediately arrested. Handcuffed. And I said “Obie, I don’t think I
Can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on. ” He said, “Shut up, kid.
Get in the back of the patrol car. ”

And that’s what we did, sat in the back of the patrol car and drove to the
Quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Stockbridge, Massachusets, where this happened here, they got three stop
Signs, two police officers, and one police car, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five police officers and three police cars,
Being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
Get in the newspaper story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
Cop equipment that they had hanging around the police officer’s station.
They was taking plaster tire tracks, foot prints, dog smelling prints, and
They took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
One was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
The getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that’s not to
Mention the aerial photography.

After the ordeal, we went back to the jail. Obie said he was going to put
Us in the cell. Said, “Kid, I’m going to put you in the cell, I want your
Wallet and your belt. ” And I said, “Obie, I can understand you wanting my
Wallet so I don’t have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
Want my belt for? ” And he said, “Kid, we don’t want any hangings. ” I
Said, “Obie, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?”
Obie said he was making sure, and friends Obie was, cause he took out the
Toilet seat so I couldn’t hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
Out the toilet paper so I couldn’t bend the bars roll out the – roll the
Toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Obie
Was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Alice
(remember Alice? It’s a song about Alice), Alice came by and with a few
Nasty words to Obie on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
To the church, had a another thanksgiving dinner that couldn’t be beat,
And didn’t get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.

We walked in, sat down, Obie came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
Of each one, sat down. Man came in said, “All rise.” We all stood up,
And Obie stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
Pictures, and the judge walked in sat down with a seeing eye dog, and he
Sat down, we sat down. Obie looked at the seeing eye dog, and then at the
Twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
And a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye dog.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
And arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
’cause Obie came to the realization that it was a typical case of American
Blind justice, and there wasn’t nothing he could do about it, and the
Judge wasn’t going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
Pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
One explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
We was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but that’s not
What I came to tell you about.

Came to talk about the draft.

They got a building down New York City, it’s called Whitehall Street,
Where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
Neglected and selected. I went down to get my physical examination one
Day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. ‘Cause I wanted to
Look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
To feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
And I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
Kinds o’ mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
Me a piece of paper, said, “Kid, see the phsychiatrist, room 604.”

And I went up there, I said, “Shrink, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
Wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
Guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
Kill, kill. ” And I started jumping up and down yelling, “kill, kill, ” and
He started jumping up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
Yelling, “KILL, KILL.” And the Sargent came over, pinned a medal on me,
Sent me down the hall, said, “You’re our boy.”

Didn’t feel too good about it.

Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
Detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin’ to me
At the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
Hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
Ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
Inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
Part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
Last man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
And I walked up and said, “What do you want?” He said, “Kid, we only got
One question. Have you ever been arrested? ”

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Alice’s Restaurant Massacre,
With full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
The phenome… – and he stopped me right there and said, “Kid, did you ever
Go to court? ”

And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
Colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
The back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, “Kid, I want
You to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W…. Now kid!! ”

And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W’s
Where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the army after
Committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
Looking people on the bench there. Mother rapers. Father stabbers. Father
Rapers! Father rapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
They was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
Bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
Father raper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean ‘n’ ugly
‘n’ nasty ‘n’ horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
And said, “Kid, whad’ya get?” I said, “I didn’t get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage. ” He said, “What were you arrested for, kid? ”
And I said, “Littering.” And they all moved away from me on the bench
There, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
Said, “And creating a nuisance.” And they all came back, shook my hand,
And we had a great time on the bench, talkin about crime, mother stabbing,
Father raping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
Bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
Things, until the Sargeant came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
Up and said.

“Kids, this-piece-of-paper’s-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
Know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
You-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
Officer’s-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say”, and talked for
Forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
Fun filling out the forms and playing with the pencils on the bench there,
And I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
Down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
Pencil, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
Other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
The other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
Following words:

(“KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?”)

I went over to the Sargent, said, “Sargeant, you got a lot a damn gall to
Ask me if I’ve rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I’m
Sittin’ here on the bench, I mean I’m sitting here on the Group W bench
’cause you want to know if I’m moral enough join the army, burn women,
Kids, houses and villages after bein’ a litterbug. ” He looked at me and
Said, “Kid, we don’t like your kind, and we’re gonna send you fingerprints
Off to Washington. ”

And friends, somewhere in Washington enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I’m
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there’s only one thing you can do and that’s walk into
The shrink wherever you are, just walk in say “Shrink, You can get
Anything you want, at Alice’s restaurant. “. And walk out. You know, if
One person, just one person does it they may think he’s really sick and
They won’t take him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
They may think they’re both faggots and they won’t take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
Singin a bar of Alice’s Restaurant and walking out. They may think it’s an
Organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day, I said
Fifty people a day walking in singing a bar of Alice’s Restaurant and
Walking out. And friends they may think it’s a movement.

And that’s what it is, the Alice’s Restaurant Anti-Massacre Movement, and
All you got to do to join is sing it the next time it comes around on the
Guitar.

With feeling. So we’ll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
Sing it when it does. Here it comes.

You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant
Walk right in it’s around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant

That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I’ve been singing this song now for twenty-five minutes. I could sing it
For another twenty-five minutes. I’m not proud… Or tired.

So we’ll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
Harmony and feeling.

We’re just waitin’ for it to come around is what we’re doing.

All right now.

You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant
Excepting Alice
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant
Walk right in it’s around the back
Just a half a mile from the railroad track
You can get anything you want, at Alice’s Restaurant

Da da da da da da da dum
At Alice’s Restaurant