Comedian Quotes

I’ve been watching some older comedy movies…I thought I’d pick out some quotes by these early great comedians.

W. C. Fields (Creator) - TV Tropes

W.C. Fields

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

I like children. If they’re properly cooked.

I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it.

I was in love with a beautiful blond once. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

The Case for Duck Soup as the Greatest Monologue in Movie History | Den of  Geek

Groucho Marx

A man is only as old as the woman he feels.

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along

Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member

Stan Laurel (Comedian and Actor) - On This Day

Stan Laurel

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.

Off The Rails: When Buster Keaton Pulled Off Silent Film's Most Expensive  Stunt - Ripley's Believe It or Not!

Buster Keaton

A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.

Charlie Chaplin and I would have a friendly contest: Who could do the feature film with the least subtitles?

If one more person tells me this is just like old times, I swear I’ll jump out the window.

Harpo Marx | American actor | Britannica

Harpo Marx

The passing of an ordinary man is sad. The passing of a great man is tragic, and doubly tragic when the greatness passes before the man does.

If things get too much for you and you feel the whole world’s against you, go stand on your head. If you can think of anything crazier to do, do it.

The Real Charlie Chaplin' Review: A Telling Look at the Tramp - Variety

Charlie Chaplin

It isn’t the ups and downs that make life difficult; it’s the jerks.

You’ll never find rainbows, If you’re looking down…

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho had the best one-liners than just about anyone else.

“Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member”

“I was married by a judge… I should have asked for a jury”

“A man’s only as old as the woman he feels”

“As soon as I get through with you, you’ll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife

“I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife”

“Women should be obscene not heard”

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce”

“Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?”

“Those are my principles If you don’t like them I have more”

“You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I’ll bet he was glad to get rid of it ”

“Who are you going to believe, me or your lyin’ eyes?”

“Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse”

“Remember men, you are fighting for this lady’s honor; which is probably more than she ever did”

“Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I’ll never know”

“I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty”

 

 

Rock and Roll…Quotes

Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones.
John Lennon

The world used us as an excuse to go mad.
George Harrison

I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Paul McCartney

America: It’s like Britain, only with buttons.
Ringo Starr

I’m still the best Keith Moon-style drummer in the world.
Keith Moon

I’ve never had a problem with drugs. I’ve had problems with the police.
Keith Richards

A kid once said to me “Do you get hangovers?” I said, “To get hangovers you have to stop drinking.
Ian “Lemmy” Kilmister of Motorhead

Rock ‘n’ Roll might not solve your problems, but it does let you dance all over them
Pete Townshend

I was Marilyn Manson – times 10.
Alice Cooper

In the end you become part of everything you hate, basically.
Ray Davies

I’d rather be dead than singing “Satisfaction” when I’m forty-five.
Mick Jagger

The thing about my music is, there really is no point.
Neil Young

No one is free, even the birds are chained to the sky.
Bob Dylan

If there’s one thing I know about music theory, it’s that if you don’t believe the singer, you won’t believe the song.
Tom Petty

Sometimes I am two people. Johnny is the nice one. Cash causes all the trouble. They fight.
Johnny Cash

I am the innovator. I am the originator. I am the emancipator. I am the architect of rock ‘n’ roll!
Little Richard

I grew up thinking art was pictures until I got into music and found I was an artist and didn’t paint.
Chuck Berry

I’m one of those regular weird people.
Janis Joplin

I sing to the realists. People who accept it like it is
Aretha Franklin

I don’t know where I’m going from here, but I promise it won’t be boring.
David Bowie

Music was my way of keeping people from looking through and around me. I wanted the heavies to know I was around.
Bruce Springsteen

I’m the one that’s got to die when it’s time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
Jimi Hendrix

We lived the life with Keith Moon. It was all Spinal Tap magnified a thousand times.
Roger Daltrey