I grew up listening to Zappa on the American Top 40 show with Casey Kasem. Uh…scratchthat. No, I only heard Zappa when I was over at a friend’s house with an older brother’s record collection. This was the first song I ever heard by him and it sticks with me after listening to it. The second song was Don’t Eat The Yellow Snow but I always favored this one.
This song reflects Zappa’s typical satirical style, poking fun at religion and society. I could only guess how many people were offended by this one. His songs still feel vibrant and new.
It was on the album Joe’s Garage which was released in two parts. “Act I” came out in September 1979, while “Acts II & III” followed in November 1979. The entire album was later released as a triple LP. He came up with the idea for Joe’s Garage as a satire on the music industry, government censorship, and society in general.
The album was about Joe, a young guitarist who started a garage band. The band gains popularity, but Joe soon faces disillusionment with the music industry. He gets involved with a groupie named Lucille, contracts a venereal disease, and ends up in trouble with the law.
I thought just maybe this would have been released as a single. Hell, he released the song Bobby Brown but not this one.
One thing the man didn’t get as much credit for as he deserved…his guitar playing was phenomenal.
Catholic Girls
Catholic Girls With a tiny little mustache Catholic Girls Do you know how they go? Catholic Girls In the Rectory Basement Father Riley’s a fairy But it don’t bother Mary
Catholic Girls At the CYO Catholic Girls Do you know how they go? Catholic Girls There can be no replacement How do they go, after the show?
All the way (That’s right, all the way!) That’s the way they go Every day (That’s right!) And none of their mamas ever seem to know Hip-Hip-Hooray For all the class they show There’s nothing like a Catholic Girl At the CYO When they learn to blow
They’re learning to blow All the Catholic Boys! Warren Cuccurullo Catholic Boys! Kinda young, kinda WOW! Catholic Boys! Vinnie Colaiuta . . .
Where are they now? Did they all take The Vow?
Catholic Girls! Carmenita Scarfone! Catholic Girls! Hey! She gave me VD! Catholic Girls! Toni Carbone!
With a tongue like a cow She could make you go WOW!
VD Vowdy vootie Right away That’s the way they go Every day Whenever their mamas take them to a show Matinee Pass the popcorn please There’s nothing like a Catholic Girl With her hand in the box When she’s on her knees
She was on her knees My little Catholic Girl Chorus: In a little white dress Catholic Girls They never confess Catholic Girls I got one for a cousin I love how they go So send me a dozen Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! (Well well now) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-mum) Yai-ee-ahhh! Catholic Girls OOOOOOH! (Well well now) Catholic Girls (Ma-ma-mum ma-ma-ma-ma-mum) Yai-ee-ahhh!
Joe had a girl friend named Mary. They would meet each other at the Social Club. Hold hands And think Pure Thoughts But one night, at the Social Club meeting…
Frank didn’t get played on commercial radio often. This is one of the few tracks that did get some airplay. The album peaked at #27 in the Billboard 100 in 1979.
I’m not familiar with a lot of Zappa’s catalog. The first song I remember liking by him was Catholic Girls off of this album. A friend of mine heavily into Zappa played me this concept album. The triple album came out as a double album and then a single album.
It’s pretty easy to see why it didn’t get radio play as the lyrics were full of profanity. The music is great… Zappa was one of the best guitarists around as well as a great all-around musician and songwriter.
From Songfacts about the album.
Running to 6 minutes 10 seconds, the title track of this triple concept album was obviously written from the heart, even though it is one of the few such songs which does not resort to out and out profanity. The song itself is fairly straightforward, but the uptempo music is both entertaining and witty. At the end, Joe is arrested for the crime of playing music. Zappa never got much airplay, but the few stations that played him often had this song in rotation.
Joe’s Garage is a popular name for real garages, though it remains to be seen if this is out of homage to Zappa or due to a lot of mechanics being Christened Joe!
In the liner notes to the album, Zappa makes a barely-passing reference to music being censored in Iran, which led some folks to believe the song was inspired by the Iran Hostage Crisis, but the American hostages weren’t taken until months after the album was released.
Zappa was an extremely outspoken enemy of religion, government, commercialism, and just about anything else, so this song and album are right in character. Joe’s Garage has parodies of a broad range of subjects – there’s “L. Ron Hoover” and the “First Church of Appliantology,” the Roman Catholic and Christian churches, lots of references to kinky sex (he also mocked that a lot), the “Central Scrutinizer” is kind of like Orwell’s Big Brother – referencing government censorship, making fun of “dope and LSD” and snorting lines of detergent, the music industry in general… you get the picture.
The ban-on-music thing in the story stems from the government’s “Total Criminalization” policy, where this new philosophy passes the legislation that states that “all humans are inherently criminals” and it’s the government’s job to keep making up laws to give them an excuse to throw everybody in jail.
Bottom line: You can’t narrow the theme of the album down to one thing. If anything, it was more Zappa’s general mockery of the whole capitalist-industrial military-religion complex, and mentioning Iran was just his way of saying “Look what could happen here! It happened there, after all.” Seeing as how this came out before the PMRC targeted Zappa for obscenity in lyrics which led to parental advisory stickers on the album, that kind of makes him a prophet.
Joe’s Garage
A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER’S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and tribulations of garage-band husbandry.
Central Scrutinizer: We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.
Frank Zappa: (It makes it’s own sauce…)
Joe: It wasn’t very large There was just enough room to cram the drums In the corner over by the Dodge It was a fifty-four With a mashed up door And a cheesy little amp With a sign on the front said “Fender Champ” And a second hand guitar It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar
At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O) joins in the song…
Larry: We could jam in Joe’s Garage His mama was screamin’ His dad was mad We was playin’ the same old song In the afternoon ‘n’ sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, ‘n’ easy too So we wouldn’t get it wrong All we did was bend the string like… Hey! Down in Joe’s Garage We didn’t have no dope or LSD But a coupla quartsa beer Would fix it so the intonation Would not offend yer ear And the same old chords goin’ over ‘n’ over Became a symphony We would play it again ‘n’ again ‘n’ again ‘Cause it sounded good to me ONE MORE TIME! We could jam in Joe’s Garage His mama was screamin’, “TURN IT DOWN!” We was playing’ the same old song In the afternoon ‘n’ sometimes we would Play it all night long It was all we knew, and easy too So we wouldn’t get it wrong Even if you played it on a saxophone We thought we was pretty good We talked about keepin’ the band together ‘N’ we figured that we should ‘Cause about this time we was gettin’ the eye From the girls in the neighborhood They’d all come over ‘n’ dance around like…
Twenty teen-age girls dash in and go STOMP-CLAP, STOMP-CLAP-CLAP…
So we picked out a stupid name Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks ‘N’ we was on our way to fame Got matching suits ‘N’ Beatle Boots ‘N’ a sign on the back of the car ‘N’ we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar
ONE TWO THREE FOUR LET’S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!
People seemed to like our song They got up ‘n’ danced ‘n’ made a lotta noise An’ it wasn’t ‘fore very long A guy from a company we can’t name Said we oughta take his pen ‘N’ sign on the line for a real good time But he didn’t tell us when These “good times” would be somethin’ That was really happenin’ So the band broke up An’ it looks like We will never play again…
Joe: Guess you only get one chance in life To play a song that goes like…
(And, as the band plays their little song, MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY, in the closet with the vacuum cleaner) screams out the window…
Mrs. Borg: Turn it down! Turn it DOWN! I have children sleeping here… Don’t you boys know any nice songs?
Joe: (Speculating on the future) Well the years was rollin’ by, yeah Heavy Metal ‘n’ Glitter Rock Had caught the public eye, yeah Snotty boys with lipstick on Was really flyin’ high, yeah ‘N’ then they got that Disco thing ‘N’ New Wave came along ‘N’ all of a sudden I thought the time Had come for that old song We used to play in “Joe’s Garage” And if I am not wrong You will soon be dancin’ to…
Central Scrutinizer: The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only. If you gotta load or unload, go to the WHITE ZONE. You’ll love it…
Joe: Well the years was rollin’ by (etc.)…
Mrs. Borg: I’m calling THE POLICE! I did it! They’ll be here… shortly!
Officer Butzis: This is the Police…
Mrs. Borg: I’m not joking around anymore
Officer Butzis: We have the garage surrounded If you give yourself up We will not harm you Or hurt you neither
Mrs. Borg: You’ll see them
Officer Butzis: This is the Police
Mrs. Borg: There they are, they’re coming!
Officer Butzis: Give yourself up We will not harm you
Mrs. Borg: Listen to that mess, would you?
Officer Butzis: This is the Police Give yourself up We have the garage surrounded
Mrs. Borg: Everday this goes on around here!
Officer Butzis: We will not harm you, or maim you (SWAT Team 4, move in!)
Mrs. Borg: He used cut my grass… He was very nice boy… That’s DISGUSTING!
Central Scrutinizer: This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER… That was Joe’s first confrontation with The Law. Naturally, we were easy on him. One of our friendly counselors gave him A do-nut… and told him to Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.
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