Happy Thanksgiving… Mr Obvious

For everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving…I hope you have a wonderful day with your family and friends.

This is from the Bob and Tom show…a Thanksgiving episode of Mr. Obvious. I always enjoyed this one…it’s a parody on call in shows.

(hi hello,
this is Mr. Obvious,
and welcome to the Mr. Obvious show.
let’s take a call.)
um
hello is this Mr. Obvious?
(speaking.)
hi Mr. Obvious,
long-time listener,
first-time caller.
(well, thanks very much for the call.)
well, thank you Mr. Obvious
for taking my call.
(well, you’re very welcome.)
all right, bye.
(now remember,
if you have a problem
you too can call
the Mr. Obvious show
and speak to me personally,
why? it’s Mr. Obvious,
let’s take another call.)
um
hello is this Mr. Obvious?
hi Mr. Obvious,
long-time listener,
second-time caller.
(well welcome to the program caller, how can i help?)
well Mr. Obvious, i need some advice on cookin’ a turkey.
(well to be quite honest caller, it’s not as difficult as it may sound.)
well,
that’s what they say Mr. Obvious,
but i tell you what,
i tried cookin’ one the last five years,
and i just haven’t had any success.
(well now, let’s start at the beginning,
do you have a big roasting pan?)
oh sure do Mr. Obvious.
(good, now do you have an oven?)
well of course i do Mr. Obvious.
I’m no idiot Mr. Obvious.
I’m not like a lot of those people that call your show.
(now please don’t take offence caller.
it’s just that sometimes my callers
are
well…
how should i put this,
a little naive.)
i got you Mr. Obvious.
(so again caller, don’t take offence at this question.
do you actually have a turkey?)
sure Mr. Obvious, i got a nice big 25-pound turkey.
(great.
well caller,
i don’t mind telling you
that you do in fact seem
a little more astute
than many of my callers.)
jeez thanks Mr. Obvious.
coming from you that means a lot.
(okay you have a turkey?
you have a pan?
you have an oven?
have you stuffed your turkey caller?)
oh yeah that’s all done.
(pre-heated the oven?)
yup.
(again caller, i don’t want to belabour the point,
but you really have something on the ball.
it’s callers like you that i hoped to attract
when i first started the Mr. Obvious program.)
thanks again Mr. Obvious, makes me proud.
(in fact, Mr. Obvious is a little bit puzzled at this point
as to why you haven’t been able to successfully
cook your turkey in the past.)
well i am too Mr. Obvious.
(all right,
what exactly has happened in the previous years when you tried to cook your turkey.)
um well you know, usually the problem is the turkey’s just too tough.
(hmmm too tough you say…)
oh yeah, real-real tough.
(now do you baste the turkey?)
yup, i tried that and it didn’t seem to help.
(have you thought about putting the turkey in a bag?)
in a bag Mr. Obvious?
(yes siree caller.
many people swear by this method of cooking a turkey.)
that sounds kind of hard Mr. Obvious.
(hard?
why no caller,
it’s not hard at all.)
well if you say so.
can you hang on a second,
and I’ll give it a try well I’ve
got you on the phone here?
(well…
normally Mr. Obvious
is pressed for time,
but for a caller like you,
I’ll spare a few seconds.
go ahead,
put your turkey in the bag.
I’ll hold on.)
great.
thanks Mr. Obvious.
I’ll be right back.
alright, come here boy…
get in this bag…
(what?
what’s goin’ on there?)
calm down boy.
come on,
get in the bag
little feller.
(what’s goin’ on there?
caller?
CALLER!!
hello?)
OW god damn it!
(why do i even try,
oh boy…)
Mr. Obvious?
(yes caller?)
it’s not gonna work I’m tellin’ you.
he’s just too tough. i can’t get him in there.
i figure, even if i did get him in there,
if he can get out of a roasting pan
like he has in the last five years,
i don’t think a paper bag is gonna hold him very long.
(your turkey’s alive isn’t he caller.)
oh yeah he’s alive, there’s no doubt about that.
he’s a tough old bird.
(you’ve been trying to cook the same “live” turkey for five years caller?)
sure have, and i haven’t had a bit of success Mr. Obvious.
(well i can’t help but say Mr. Obvious is saddened by this turn of events.)
yeah i know what you mean Mr. Obvious,
my little girl,
she get’s sad every year
when i try to pop this dawg-on turkey in the oven.
(apparently I’m not the judge of character and intellect that i presumed that i was.
caller, hey here’s an idea.
have you ever thought about killing the turkey?)
tell you what Mr. Obvious,
I’ve sure thought about it a couple of times,
man, when that sucker bites me i just want to wring his neck.
sometimes all that gobbling drives me up the wall.
I’ve never been so mad that i actually seriously thought about killin’ him…
(ah-huh.
caller, you can’t cook the turkey till he’s dead.)
really?
(yes really,
you cook dead turkeys, not live ones.)
hmm…
i never really made the connection.
(hey,
that’s all the time we have for today…)
hey Mr. Obvious?
(yes caller.)
thanks Mr. Obvious,
you’re a lifesaver.
(i appreciate it.
join us next week for another…)
hey Mr. Obvious?
(yeah?)
one more thing…
(ah-huh?)
how long do turkeys typically live?
(join us next week
on the Mr. Obvious show.)

Author: Badfinger (Max)

Power Pop fan, Baseball fan, old movie and tv show fan... and a songwriter, bass and guitar player. View all posts by Badfinger (Max)